i hate the rain.

today is one of those days that when looking back on, i won't miss.







so now it's actually official.
my uncle called.
wanna know what he had to say?

my brother got married.
and my sister had a baby.

and they didn't even tell us.

i hate when people say that blood is thicker than water...because it's not always true.
my brother and sister are both immature assholes.

then end.

ace of cakes keeps me awake.

guru is my new favorite word.

this is where i plan to be...

within the next year.






the Browers are moving to Belgium in the next couple months...and I'm going there...even if I have to go by myself!

one tasty dress.

i can't sleep.
i have to wake up in four hours.
i have resorted to drinking wine from the bottle just to pass out.





dear god.

blood is thicker than water?

so i'm sure some of you didn't even know i had a half brother and a half sister...probably because they are stubborn and immature. but my brother eddie is running for city council again...and he has a website. it's kinda funny how similar he and my dad are.

www.vote4edward.com






kbye.

i'm stealing "rawr" from ash cause i love it.

I was sick on Saturday...like throwing up all day. And I've felt very off since then. Stupid tummy, I hate you.

but anyway, Jon and Kate Plus 8 is my new favorite show. I love it. It's hilarious...and the kids are so cute. It seems a little lame that my current favorite show is a show on TLC about a family with 8 kids...but it's great.

oh and I miss everyone in Chico.
especially my lover and my two amazing roommates.
I guess it really takes being away from people to realize how important they are. I feel a lot happier lately too. I think being home and rejuvenating has helped a lot. I'm happy and actually very excited to go and have fun in Chico. Not that I love Chico...but I love my friends in Chico. hahaha. k. And I'm very excited for Willow's birthday party. Her mustachio theme is genius. really.


kbye.

yellow.

i love this.

hey

grow up.
eventually things are going to catch up with you.

new year.

So it's officially 2009. woo hoo...
See, everyone is excited about this NEW YEAR...but we have a new year once a year which doesn't make it as exciting as everyone wants it to be. People make their New Years resolutions...which they normally break...because New Years is always just the excuse to put off kicking the habit for another three months...and then that day comes and what do you do?
Well I kicked a habit in the last two weeks...without the thought of New Years...so screw all of you fakers, I did it! Hopefully it sticks...which it will...but if it doesn't, I know I'll hear about it from some of you!
Anyway, I'm not that excited...though I am excited to see if Obama will make it through the inauguration unscathed...and I am very excited for my 21st birthday which is in March (mental note: send me booze!). Speaking of booze...I was talking to Ashmo, Becca, Thomas, Keely, and Tim the other night and we were discussing vices. Everyone has a vice...pretty much. And if it's not one thing, it's something else. So I was wondering why quitting one thing, suddenly led me to wanting a drink with dinner every night (which used to be unusual). So then I realized, it's not the action...it's the feeling it gives me. So instead of just dealing with things and learning to relax on my own, I just picked another vehicle for my self-medication.
I feel like I'm not making sense...so nevermind.
But anyway, I miss Aaron like crazy. And I have no idea why I chose to stay home this long...though I do think it's doing some good. I needed to be out of Chico and at home to rejuvenate. But last night, I was really regretting that decision. I kept saying that kissing our boyfriends at midnight is cute but not necessary, silly really...Well last night as I was on the phone with Aaron yelling "Happy New Year!," I was jealous of Macaire being able to kiss her boyfriend at the special moment. Oh well...there's always next year...and the one after that...and on and on...for the rest of my life...soooo many new years. So many expectations. So many disappointments. Don't get your hopes up people.

and a happy new year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

though theres only a couple minutes left.

im at my uncle's house in manhattan beach on my mom's sweet laptop that she got for christmas!
it's an Acer Aspire One. CHECK IT OUT!


i'm not really in the mood to write much...
but i miss my lover....

sunday morrrrninnnn.

so finals are over.
and i am home in san diego.
winter break just started and i've already started questioning what day it is. haha.
i wanted so badly to get out of chico but now i miss everyone in chico.
i especially miss aaron...no offense to anyone but let's be serious.
today was kinda weird.
aaron and i were grumpy.
i took some antihistamines without realizing how drowsy they would make me. SERIOUSLY DROWSY. slept in the car on the way to the airport. slept in my seat at the gate. slept the WHOLE way home on the airplane. it took me a cup of coffee and two cans of coke to wake up. ahaha.
anyway...i was in a such a rush to get home...and im certainly happy to be here...but i'm not sure how long it'll stay that way...wait..nevermind. i don't know what i think. disregard.


it's too late.
goodnight.

eleven.

Rest in Peace grandma.

Irene Ellen Jakubowski
June 26, 1920-December 17, 1997

irony.

harold died today. just for clarification, harold is my bunny. was my bunny.
yeah willow is a champ...she put harold in the old navy bag cause there was no way i was going to do that.
we took him to the humane society. they charged me 9 dollars to put him in a freezer.

then i had my final.

wonderful.
great.


i hate finals week.

green soap smells so good.

So I just washed about a bazillion dishes. I finding washing dishes to be therapeutic...which might sound weird. But it's just one of those mindless tasks where I can just think and chill...and make my hands look like raisins. haha.
I kinda wanna talk to someone...but I'm lazy. And proud. Oh well.
I could also go for a massage...washing dishes for that long, hunched over the sink kinda hurt my back. I'd go to the chiropractor...like I'm supposed to but those receptionists are bitches. haha.

ummm.

gross.




yes, you.

I love fudge.

I feel like crap. Being sick right now is not okay.
So I told my mom this morning that I hate Chico. She wasn't mad...weird. She said I could move home. I can't just move home...unless Aaron had an interest in living in San Diego. So now what?

sorry.

Ugh. I'm angry. I feel unimportant and abandoned. Don't feel guilty...not that you will. I want you to be happy...so do what you need to do. I think I've figured out why I'm so upset. Because I'm jealous. I'm jealous that I can't just take off and do whatever the hell I want. I'm stuck here. I don't have a problem with anyone here...heck, I found love in this ridiculous town. But I just want out of here...and until Aaron decides that he's ready to leave, I staying here. I'd rather suffer in Chico and be with him rather than just leaving. So I guess this pain is self-inflicted...to an extent. But the second he's ready to go, my bags will be packed and I will be gone. I don't think anyone will really care if I leave...though I'm sure my parents will. Sorry mom and dad. I came here mostly to please my mom. She wanted me to be here so badly...I think mostly just to live vicariously through me. I don't know why. She doesn't know Chico the way we know Chico. To her, it's all fun and cute. But it's much more than that. The vibe is just not me. I don't feel like me here. When I went home for thanksgiving, that was the first time I felt like myself again. Happy. Productive. Busy. Content. I hope no one takes offense to this. Cause it has nothing to do with anyone, it's just this town. Cassie and I talked about this the other day. And I understand what she means. We were meant to come here to meet someone special. And now that she's found him, it's time for her to go. Well I found him over a year ago and I'm still here! Again...I'm just jealous. Sorry.

So you should just get used to the fact that I post a lot.

Joe and Craan are visiting tonight. It's nice because it makes it feel like it used to be with ''the core'' as Aaron calls it. I miss how life used to be...not like it's bad right now...but it's not the same. I blame Joe for the demise of ''the five.'' haha.

Item of the Day

Tory Burch "Briza" Gladiator Sandal $265.00

Okay so first of all...I love Tory Burch in general. Tory Burch is always good. My favorite will always be the flats but I'm kinda liking these sandals. I'm not diggin the price but putting that aside, I think these are really cute. I'm very particular when it comes to gladiator sandals but I think these are cool and not too over the top. I don't know what you could wear them with...especially because of the ankle strap..but I'm sure someone stylish could make them work...maybe with cuffed shorts or slim jeans? Girls, let me know what you think about these.

iPod

this is a test



so i downloaded a blog writer application on my iPod. and it worked! wooo this is exciting. i can write from anywhere!