and a happy new year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

though theres only a couple minutes left.

im at my uncle's house in manhattan beach on my mom's sweet laptop that she got for christmas!
it's an Acer Aspire One. CHECK IT OUT!


i'm not really in the mood to write much...
but i miss my lover....

sunday morrrrninnnn.

so finals are over.
and i am home in san diego.
winter break just started and i've already started questioning what day it is. haha.
i wanted so badly to get out of chico but now i miss everyone in chico.
i especially miss aaron...no offense to anyone but let's be serious.
today was kinda weird.
aaron and i were grumpy.
i took some antihistamines without realizing how drowsy they would make me. SERIOUSLY DROWSY. slept in the car on the way to the airport. slept in my seat at the gate. slept the WHOLE way home on the airplane. it took me a cup of coffee and two cans of coke to wake up. ahaha.
anyway...i was in a such a rush to get home...and im certainly happy to be here...but i'm not sure how long it'll stay that way...wait..nevermind. i don't know what i think. disregard.


it's too late.
goodnight.

eleven.

Rest in Peace grandma.

Irene Ellen Jakubowski
June 26, 1920-December 17, 1997

irony.

harold died today. just for clarification, harold is my bunny. was my bunny.
yeah willow is a champ...she put harold in the old navy bag cause there was no way i was going to do that.
we took him to the humane society. they charged me 9 dollars to put him in a freezer.

then i had my final.

wonderful.
great.


i hate finals week.

green soap smells so good.

So I just washed about a bazillion dishes. I finding washing dishes to be therapeutic...which might sound weird. But it's just one of those mindless tasks where I can just think and chill...and make my hands look like raisins. haha.
I kinda wanna talk to someone...but I'm lazy. And proud. Oh well.
I could also go for a massage...washing dishes for that long, hunched over the sink kinda hurt my back. I'd go to the chiropractor...like I'm supposed to but those receptionists are bitches. haha.

ummm.

gross.




yes, you.

I love fudge.

I feel like crap. Being sick right now is not okay.
So I told my mom this morning that I hate Chico. She wasn't mad...weird. She said I could move home. I can't just move home...unless Aaron had an interest in living in San Diego. So now what?

sorry.

Ugh. I'm angry. I feel unimportant and abandoned. Don't feel guilty...not that you will. I want you to be happy...so do what you need to do. I think I've figured out why I'm so upset. Because I'm jealous. I'm jealous that I can't just take off and do whatever the hell I want. I'm stuck here. I don't have a problem with anyone here...heck, I found love in this ridiculous town. But I just want out of here...and until Aaron decides that he's ready to leave, I staying here. I'd rather suffer in Chico and be with him rather than just leaving. So I guess this pain is self-inflicted...to an extent. But the second he's ready to go, my bags will be packed and I will be gone. I don't think anyone will really care if I leave...though I'm sure my parents will. Sorry mom and dad. I came here mostly to please my mom. She wanted me to be here so badly...I think mostly just to live vicariously through me. I don't know why. She doesn't know Chico the way we know Chico. To her, it's all fun and cute. But it's much more than that. The vibe is just not me. I don't feel like me here. When I went home for thanksgiving, that was the first time I felt like myself again. Happy. Productive. Busy. Content. I hope no one takes offense to this. Cause it has nothing to do with anyone, it's just this town. Cassie and I talked about this the other day. And I understand what she means. We were meant to come here to meet someone special. And now that she's found him, it's time for her to go. Well I found him over a year ago and I'm still here! Again...I'm just jealous. Sorry.

So you should just get used to the fact that I post a lot.

Joe and Craan are visiting tonight. It's nice because it makes it feel like it used to be with ''the core'' as Aaron calls it. I miss how life used to be...not like it's bad right now...but it's not the same. I blame Joe for the demise of ''the five.'' haha.

Item of the Day

Tory Burch "Briza" Gladiator Sandal $265.00

Okay so first of all...I love Tory Burch in general. Tory Burch is always good. My favorite will always be the flats but I'm kinda liking these sandals. I'm not diggin the price but putting that aside, I think these are really cute. I'm very particular when it comes to gladiator sandals but I think these are cool and not too over the top. I don't know what you could wear them with...especially because of the ankle strap..but I'm sure someone stylish could make them work...maybe with cuffed shorts or slim jeans? Girls, let me know what you think about these.

iPod

this is a test



so i downloaded a blog writer application on my iPod. and it worked! wooo this is exciting. i can write from anywhere!

technology.

So I feel like crap...and I'm watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (yes, I know. I'm lame.) Anyway, I found my cord to hook up my ipod touch to my computer. So I am updating my software and then I'm going to download apps until I fall asleep. I am excited because I was always jealous of people with iphones but now that I will be downloading sweet applications, I'm not so jealous. The only thing I'm missing is the phone part...and I have a phone. So I am going to stop being jealous and start being more aware that I am greatly blessed and that this crappy state I am in will pass soon enough.

i've lost count...

So I think I'm getting sick again...great. It'll only be the millionth time this semester. I hate this.
And I guess I should probably eat something...
My life is boring....but I don't have the energy to change it.


oh also...I don't know how I feel about all my friends' little siblings growing up. It's weird. It's like...weren't you 8 years old last week? NO...you're a junior in high school! What the hell people? This is not okay. haha.


Oh and to all you ants that are trying to invade my house, I WILL find you and I WILL kill you.
k bye.

Item of the Day

Marc Jacobs Sequined Dress - $3, 400.00

Okay so first of all...what do you think of this dress? I can't tell if it is cute and funky...or just tacky. It's sad because I really don't wanna talk trash about Marc Jacobs because he is well...amazing. But I think thirty four hundred dollars for this dress is just ridiculous. I mean, I'll pay extra money for something of quality but to spend over three thousand bucks on this dress is just not okay. Go buy some groceries...pay my rent!...pay Cassie's rent!....dear god.






on another note...i had a dream last night/this morning and someone was in it that i am not particularly fond of...and in my dream, i liked this person...i trusted this person. and that scares me...because im still so convinced of several things. i'm not going to take my dream as something with meaning. i refuse.

hmm.

i wish their characters were real.

jeopardy.

So I was going to go on a rant about...well...some stuff. But I'm pretty content right now so I'll save that for later. Cassie and I went on a little adventure tonight. It was nice. I found something I was looking for...which is nice (walmart sucks). Anyway, then we went to starbucks and I was reminded of how much I missed caramel machhiatos (spelling?). We talked about her moving. I'm not happy about it. I'm actually really sad... I know she "needs" to go but I honestly don't know what I'll do. I know I'm not alone but I feel like having someone around who has known me for a long time will keep me sane. I feel like certain people I know here don't really know me. I mean...they know me and we are particularly close...but I feel like people have gotten the wrong impression of me. I haven't been too happy since I've lived in Chico...and that has definitely translated into my personality and actions. I really hope people don't judge me and my character based on my low times. That would make me sad...cause I'm not normally such an angry person or such a sad person. So for whoever is reading this: I am sorry if I have ever blown up at you...or whatever. That is not me. I always have the best intentions. I am quite loyal...etc. And I feel like my unhappiness in Chico has changed me. So if I'm upset about something, please give me the benefit of the doubt because I am not inherently bitchy, I am probably just going through something hard that I'm too proud to talk about. Anyway, my original point is that if Cassie leaves, I'm going to be really sad. I love her and she is one of my best friends and I really feel like if she goes, we're not gonna see eachother as much....and because of that, I feel like I'll lose a piece of myself. Wow. Now I'm just sad again...great. I'm going to get out of this and watch jeopardy.

let's give this another shot.

So I'm going to try this again. I used to have a xanga in highschool that I wrote in. It was wonderful. I could talk about anything I wanted and anything I was feeling without that fear that whoever was reading would automatically judge me. I'm not trying to say that everyone I talk to goes straight to dissecting what I'm saying, trying to find some reason to take what I'm saying the wrong way. But I do feel like a lot of the time, having opinions and being strong in what I believe labels me a "bitch." I'm going to attempt to help people realize that this current "me" is not the "me" that I've always known.

Chico has changed me. I don't know necessarily if for the better. I find myself more cynical, discontent, and confused. And I don't know why.


I have to go get ready for class. I wish I were more motivated.