sorry.

Ugh. I'm angry. I feel unimportant and abandoned. Don't feel guilty...not that you will. I want you to be happy...so do what you need to do. I think I've figured out why I'm so upset. Because I'm jealous. I'm jealous that I can't just take off and do whatever the hell I want. I'm stuck here. I don't have a problem with anyone here...heck, I found love in this ridiculous town. But I just want out of here...and until Aaron decides that he's ready to leave, I staying here. I'd rather suffer in Chico and be with him rather than just leaving. So I guess this pain is self-inflicted...to an extent. But the second he's ready to go, my bags will be packed and I will be gone. I don't think anyone will really care if I leave...though I'm sure my parents will. Sorry mom and dad. I came here mostly to please my mom. She wanted me to be here so badly...I think mostly just to live vicariously through me. I don't know why. She doesn't know Chico the way we know Chico. To her, it's all fun and cute. But it's much more than that. The vibe is just not me. I don't feel like me here. When I went home for thanksgiving, that was the first time I felt like myself again. Happy. Productive. Busy. Content. I hope no one takes offense to this. Cause it has nothing to do with anyone, it's just this town. Cassie and I talked about this the other day. And I understand what she means. We were meant to come here to meet someone special. And now that she's found him, it's time for her to go. Well I found him over a year ago and I'm still here! Again...I'm just jealous. Sorry.